Failure is always an option!

Hello everyone, I hope you have had a good week, enjoyed life and ready for this week. For me, since my last blog, its been pretty good. I saw the Lions play in Sydney for the final test and although I wasn’t feeling great myself, it was a great atmosphere and a lot of fun. The lions looked tired and tapped up to the max, and although the result wasn’t the best, I’m sure they would have taken a series win from the outset. Since then, I have been working as a teaching support assistant and been thoroughly enjoying it. A week today, I will be up at Port Macquarie about to do my first paid speaking gig of this little adventure, so I’m really looking forward to that too. Three days confirmed teaching this week although I hope a fourth will materialise. I have also done another shift doing the bbqs at the rugby which I really enjoy too.

Ok, so this week’s blog/race review. After last week’s review, I was contemplating on doing these reviews in order, but then I thought, there was no real reason to do it that way, I should just do them as I feel is appropriate and this week is about a race that I failed. NOW, I hate the saying that “failure is not an option” because I can’t tell you, firsthand, that if you put yourself in a difficult position, failure is very much an option. For me, the ones who stand tall and say that it isn’t an option are the ones who never go outside of their comfort zone, “a couch adventurer” if you will!

The race I want to write about is the 2011 edition of a race called Caeser’s Camp 100miler. That is 100 miles (160km) of running on a looped course where they train and test army tanks. Its hilly, sandy and very difficult. There was quite a strict cut off and for me it was the end of a very busy running summer. I had done and completed the Enduroman 100 miler, I had failed the Southdowns Ultra and then this event. But what is failure. I didn’t cross the finish line, that’s for sure, but I did get to 150km before my foot fell off and it was clear I wouldn’t hit the time allowed. So, yes I failed, but I also ran 3.75 marathons, on sand, in the rain, in the cold, through the night and got as far as I could. Indeed, 160km running races are my tipping point, I have done five and only finished one, my second one. I have got over half way each time, but each time come across a different problem. Some of you will say they are failures, others will not! It was here that I learnt the main difficulty with running on sand and then in the rain. It gets into your shoes and rolls up into little balls, this then becomes like sandpaper in your shoes, ah, such fun!

Enjoy it and speak to you next week. It might be a little later as I will probably wait to do my talk in Port and report back. Have a great week guys. Richardo x

  This 100 mile race meant to be the third of summer having completed both the enduroman and the South Downs way race.  And it was the third one I had attended during the summer. However, I had only completed the enduroman, a hilly course at the time, but turned out to be the flattest, by a long way, of the three.  We know I didn’t finish the South Downs race but that was due to being very tired and having not recovered from the enduroman just three weeks earlier. This one was different; I was rested and ready to go.

Ceasers Camp 100 mile race, was 10 loops of a 10mile lap. Each lap consisted of 1540 feet of climbing and descending, and so over the course of the race, I would be moving up and down around 15,000 feet. That is a lot.

I turned up with Jos, with plenty of time to spare. We registered, begun to get the tent up and the van sorted, and generally tried to relax before the big off.  At  11.45am we were called to the register tent,  given our final briefing and then told we had five minutes to go. Jos moved to the side, took a few photos, the hooter went off and the run was started. Excited, nervous but ready, I ran into the distance.

The first lap was run at an alright pace. I had planned to run each lap around the 2hr mark doing my 20min run, 10min walk all the way round. That didn’t work as it was just so so so so so so hilly. Three hills to take note of were beyond anything I have scrambled up during all my races around the world. Two were going up at mile 1 and 9 and the other was going down at mile 3. There were numerous other hills around the course with just a flat/downhill period of around 3 miles in the middle of each lap. On top of this, under foot, the ground was a mixture of sand, pebbles and well, boulders!!! All of which, I didn’t know at the time, would take their toll later on.

I finished the first lap in 1hr 55minutes (with of course, another hill), and had a quick stop to re-fuel. It was then straight on to the second lap. During the first lap I had run mainly on my own but on the second caught up with a small group of four runners, two girls and two guys. As I ran past, we exchanged alittle and then played a game of cat and mouse over the next 2 or 3 miles. But then I broke away with a Hungarian girl called Ester. She was attempting her first ultramarathon and our pace and thought process was fairly similar. We end up running together for most of the race or if we didn’t, no more than 5minutes apart.

We passed the 30mile mark in 6 hours, a full 9 hours inside the cut off and just before it got dark. When it got dark, it was a totally different race. The hills became invisible the tops too far to comprehend. It was a matter of putting my head down and getting on with it. Each lap that I did I would stop in transition, have a bite to eat, re-group and then go from there. Off into the darkness I went. My next target was 60miles as at the 60 mile mark Jos would be able to join me and see the course for himself.

It was about 1/1.30am by the time I reached the transition area for the 6^th time and therefore at the 60^th mile mark. My legs were burning but I was still going, my feet were sore from all the hills, sand and stones, but all in all I was in good spirits.  It was nice to have some company by now as it was getting cold and although I was warm, in places, the dark, quite frankly scared me. I dealt with the dark in a very simple manner, I broke the course into smaller goals. Jos at 60 miles, a “pick me up” email at 70 miles and the Chloe T coming to join us at around 80 or 90 mile mark. Then I would be at the 100 mile mark.

Whilst Jos was with me, he was staggered at how hill the course was, but I think, in all honesty, he was happy to be out and moving as he had got pretty cold sitting around. He couldn’t see anything, like me and couldn’t understand why it was so hilly and although I wasn’t running fast, I think understood just how much the hills must have taken out of me. I also started to complain about my feet and once we hit the 5.5mile transition area, we stopped and he had a look at my feet. There was a fairly large amount of loose skin, but there wasn’t any blood. Socks back on whilst having my first sit down of the race, back onto my feet and off we went again for the second part of the race. We completed the lap in 2hrs 33min, I was getting slower but I was ok.

As I passed the 70mile mark, it was time for the email. But I waited, I waited as long as I could, till about mile 73. There I opened the email on my phone and it went as follows:

(There was an intro and there was a conclusion, but I have taken them out. The main body of the email is the same)

Well let me tell you something, in fact I will tell you a few things. That voice inside you head, the one that says 'stop. you can't do this or there is so far still to go" is not only annoying but wrong. You are in control of your body and your mind. You are now faced with choices and whatever choice you make must be the right one for you and no one else. Remember all the reasons you do the sport you do, remember all the training hours you put in and the sacrifices you made. Remember what is tattooed on your leg. You are free Roo. You are free to choose your road ahead. Remember that you have done this before and above all remember that the roads we take are far more important than the goals we announce, decisions determine destiny. 

As I am in India writing this I am going to give you a quote from a very wise man, that faced many physical and emotional challenges, Gandhi. He said that "Glory lies in the attempt to reach one's goal and not in reaching it" The very fact that you are even attempting this challenge is amazing!This is not a natural distance for a human being to run and yet you have done it before and so many other amazing achievements before hand. Don't lose perspective on exactly what you are trying to do. It's hard, you know it is, but you chose to attempt it and you know you will be disappointed when the fatigue and hunger is gone that you didn't give it 100%.

Yes, it's true: We can't control the wind or the rain or the other vagaries of weather. But we can tack our sails such that we can steer the course we desire. This race is about choices Roo. And you have taken a break to read this email so must be feeling a bit low and it is this feeling you are having right now when decisions get hard. Try to think clearly through the fog and the cold and the pain. What do you want? Can you give it anymore? The only one that can tell you 'you can't' is you. And even then, you don't have to listen.

No matter what happens, no matter how many miles you run nothing will change the person you are. You are an amazing, kind, generous and beautiful soul. Drink something now, can you eat something?? Force something down. You are doing so well and you are not alone. You are never alone. It just might feel like it sometimes, but I am with you. I am in every beat of your heart and every bead of sweat that falls from you.

I will see you in person tomorrow, right this second I am probably at the airport or already in the air flying to you, thinking of you. Strip away all the crap. Forget the blisters and the weather and your stupid negative voice in your head. Ask yourself, 'what do I want? What is my next move' and act. Whatever you choose is your choice and no one can take that away. 

This last quote I found and thought of you..."It is not true that nice guys finish last. Nice guys are winners before the race even starts."

I am already so proud of you. You are an inspiration, not because you run 100 miles but because you tried. Because you said yo yourself 'I am free to choose' You can do this, what feels like an eternity is exactly the same time as it was on Tuesday or Wednesday. It's in your head that makes it feel longer and it is your head not your body that you must control. Your body is ready. You have done the training. Now YOU make the choice and no it is for you, and you alone.

Do I need to say that I struggled through the next 6 miles….i didn’t, I was inspired and ready to go. Not to say the blisters weren’t hurting, but for some reason the pain had subsided. Towards the end of the lap however, the pain had returned, I was slowing and I was in trouble. I had though passed a few more athletes and as far as I could tell, there weren’t many left in the race.

As I sat down at the 85mile mark, I decided that I needed to clean my feet, get a new pair of trainers on and a fresh pair of socks. I was in alot of pain. What I hadn’t realised was that my feet had exploded. They were ripped to shreds, bloody and well, excuse my language, fucking sore!!! Jos couldn’t really look at them. I called for the race organiser who took one look and said that I shouldn’t continue but I could if I wanted too. So, knowing that this was going to be, possibly, my last big event for a while, I chose to continue. Strapped up, new socks AND new shoes, I left transition and off I went. I knew my time was limited but I had 6 hours to do 10 or so miles, I thought I could atleast walk it and make it, it was just a matter of whether I could take the pain. So, as I walked I tried my hardest.

I passed over the first 2 big big hills, the steep one going down, I actually went down backwards to make it easier on my feet. I got to 2 and wanted to give up, but I carried on, I got to mile 3 and the same. At mile 4, after another big hill, I was forced to sit down and think long and hard about what I was doing AND, made the hard decision to pull out at the fear of doing a lot more damage to my feet. In all honesty, I think my legs could have done it, but my feet were done and I had to work on the Tuesday. So, calling Jos, I think he knew and said it was ok. I made my way to the road, sat down and within 20minutes I was on my way home. My legs stiffened right up, my body tired and my feet bloodied. Enough was enough.

It was hard pill to swallow but one I was happy too because I had seen the course and there was no way that anybody could just turn up and do. AND I had managed to cover 90 odd miles of the track. It was a disappointment, but honestly believe I gave it my best shot. Sometimes, your best shot just isn’t good enough.

It has been one hell of a tough summer both on and off the “pitch”, I would have been disappointed with 1 out of 3, but I defo picked the tough ones and nobody can take that away from me. The result wasn’t what I wanted, but sitting here now, feet still sore, I think it wasn’t too bad of a performance.